So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
