Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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