I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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