Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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