i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
