I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
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He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
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Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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