Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
