I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
