Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
