Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
