p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
