babies were throwing up all over the place
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
