butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
