My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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