I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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