On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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