What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
