i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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