a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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