so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Found the puke drawer
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
