me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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