Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
