im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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