she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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