wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
