fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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