I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
