Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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