Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
