i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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