the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
