I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
