i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
