No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
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