Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't put those talents on a resume
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
