Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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