A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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