my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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