Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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