didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
