so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
