All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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