have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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