oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
