He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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