i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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