Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
