Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
