I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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