Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
