Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
