Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
