omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
