omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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