I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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