I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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