i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
two words: eviction party
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
