I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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