Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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