The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
