My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
