Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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