She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
