Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize