Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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