They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
