My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
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