Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
