he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
