To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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